Hey everyone,
Well, it's been yet again quite a while since my last update since last September apparently! Wow time has flown and has life ever evolved since then. At the moment, I feel the need to get something rather important off my chest and it's something I've only shared with few and far between when it comes to my immediate friends. The reasons for this have been mixed honestly. The main thing is, and most of them will attest to this, I hate pity. It's something I hate to be on the receiving end of. One of the key things which has kept me from posting on here and the key thing for this post. Last December I suffered what's known as a transient ischemic attack or (TIA), this is also known in the medical world, as a minor stroke.
To those friends of mine who may find out about it this way, I'm sorry. It's something that I've honestly struggled with massively. I hate being helpless, you know this. The feeling of having no control with what is going on with your body and unfortunately no idea what caused it is something I honestly, would not wish on even my worst mortal enemy, if I had one (sorry Wil Wheaton). The TIA I suffered from, the cause is still up for debate, though the current suspected cause has to deal with the number of concussions I've had.
This my friends is the reason why I was laid up for almost four and a half months. I've made remarkable (according to my doctors) recovery all things considered. I still have little to no feeling in the fingers on my left hand (it affected my left side), and some times I will still lose feeling in my hand, but it's something I've grown to deal with and live with. I'm doing much better than I was after the effects in the first few days after it happened started to really take long term affect. I've finally been given permission to go back to work and I've come to appreciate things in life so much more than I ever have before. Cherish your friends, family and don't take anything for less than it's truly worth. You never can know when something out of the blue may happen and change everything you've ever considered.
To my friends again who may be finding out about this this way, I'm sorry again. Please get in touch with me and I'll go into more depth about all of this with you that way.
What finally has pushed me into telling everyone about my experience has to deal with the fact May is the National American Stroke Awareness Month. Also, tomorrow the 3rd happens to be my 26th birthday. The thought that I could have not made it to that day or to see my younger brother graduate with his Masters' Degree next week has left me with more to reflect on I'm not going to lie. Anyone who'd like to hear more please feel free to reach out to me in the comments below.
Thanks all!
Josh
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Moving Forward
Hey again everyone,
Not sure who if anyone ever sees or reads this, but it's becoming some what of a personal journal, I think. Damn have things changed in my life lately. I can't exactly remember what the last post on here said, at all pretty much, but I've been trying to heal in more ways than I care to admit lately.
The relationship I was in for over 3, almost 4 and engaged for all, but a year of that time has ended. I've had a few random odd and end health issues before and since that point as well. Had the Gallbladder has been pulled and dealt with some complications from that. Quit a job that I hated for one I thought I'd enjoy only for that to go no where rather quickly. Needless to say, there was a very dark time involved for me. I was a wreck in more ways than one.
Since then, however, I've picked up all the pieces, shoved them in a bag, trashed the crappy parts and started to piece my life back together. I'm writing again, along with reading (though for the first time in years I haven't read any real Harry Potter fan fiction in months, which is highly odd for me) new things, and trying to figure out new plans for my life.
The plans for my life now as far as I can control of course, are in the process of being set. I'm likely to be going back at the undergraduate level and completing the last few classes I need to get my Teaching License in High School History/Government. Teaching is something I've always wanted to do at some point and love to do as well, from the different things I've taught people in the past from dealing with Computers, to different Political and History topics and how to do other odds and ends.
In other aspects, I've come to realize that while I may wish things with my now ex were different and some part of me would like to be close friends again some day, for now I need to step back and be me. I need to take some wild chances that I'd never have considered before and see what happens. Moving on in a sense is extremely hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Who knows, things may work out for the best this way in ways I never imagined before or so I hope.
Alright though, I'll put more up later, but for now, it's time to watch some UCLA Bruins Football and get some sleep. Night all and hope things are well with you.
Josh
Not sure who if anyone ever sees or reads this, but it's becoming some what of a personal journal, I think. Damn have things changed in my life lately. I can't exactly remember what the last post on here said, at all pretty much, but I've been trying to heal in more ways than I care to admit lately.
The relationship I was in for over 3, almost 4 and engaged for all, but a year of that time has ended. I've had a few random odd and end health issues before and since that point as well. Had the Gallbladder has been pulled and dealt with some complications from that. Quit a job that I hated for one I thought I'd enjoy only for that to go no where rather quickly. Needless to say, there was a very dark time involved for me. I was a wreck in more ways than one.
Since then, however, I've picked up all the pieces, shoved them in a bag, trashed the crappy parts and started to piece my life back together. I'm writing again, along with reading (though for the first time in years I haven't read any real Harry Potter fan fiction in months, which is highly odd for me) new things, and trying to figure out new plans for my life.
The plans for my life now as far as I can control of course, are in the process of being set. I'm likely to be going back at the undergraduate level and completing the last few classes I need to get my Teaching License in High School History/Government. Teaching is something I've always wanted to do at some point and love to do as well, from the different things I've taught people in the past from dealing with Computers, to different Political and History topics and how to do other odds and ends.
In other aspects, I've come to realize that while I may wish things with my now ex were different and some part of me would like to be close friends again some day, for now I need to step back and be me. I need to take some wild chances that I'd never have considered before and see what happens. Moving on in a sense is extremely hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Who knows, things may work out for the best this way in ways I never imagined before or so I hope.
Alright though, I'll put more up later, but for now, it's time to watch some UCLA Bruins Football and get some sleep. Night all and hope things are well with you.
Josh
Friday, August 16, 2013
Discouraged
Hey everyone,
Okay so things have been rough lately for me, as some may already know or have guessed from my last post. However, it's starting to get to the point where I'm actually letting everything get me down as bad as that is to admit. The thing is though, after all of the things which have happened to me lately, I've stuck through it all, trying my damnedest to work through it all and be the best person I can be and be the big man, but times like this I realize just how hard that can be.
In the last two months, I've had more interviews than anyone person should ever have in their entire life. Seriously, in the last three weeks alone I'm over ten interviews and counting with at least another two or three coming next week. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, minus the fact I don't interview well at all and never have. I prefer to let my work speak for itself, along with my background. Sitting in a chair with somewhere between ten minutes to just over an hour to explain why someone should hire me is something I hate with a passion. How can I show or explain how I work or go about in a situation without actually doing it or being in that situation? Seriously though, I wish that was the only thing, but of course with me like usual there is more.
I went and talked with a Recruiter for the military again recently, this time the Marines and as some know I hate the water so it was a very interesting talk I can assure you. Problem is in my recent workouts I noticed that my knee was doing a weird 'clicking' again, long story short I now have to go see a specialist some time in the next few weeks to have my knee looked at again since the guy who's worked on it two out of the three times already is at a loss as to why things keep messing up. That's fine though, yet again I could live if this was just another one of the problems I've done it before.
I've also seemed to have hit a brick wall with anything I was writing before things went south with my ex and I. I sat for over an hour the other day and tried and tried to write some on one of the stories which I feel is almost done at least for the first part and everything I wrote immediately met the backspace key. So I'm not sure, maybe I need to write some of the other stuff that's been rumbling through my head lately down first, though it's much much darker than I normally would go.
Lastly though, and this is the part I'm most upset about, is the fact I feel like I have little to no support system around me anymore. What I do have are friends who are there if it's a true emergency with some limitations, but others call themselves my friend, but it's one of those things where I barely ever hear from them and if I do, I'm the one to reach out or make the connection. I've never been a very outgoing person, ever, it's why I try to cherish every friend I have and will throw down anything and everything I may be doing at the drop of a hat if anyone of them ever asks me to do something. The thing is, right now, I know I'm in a dark place personally and I'm in need of people to talk to, but I'm afraid to reach out to anyone to a degree. Those who would help are too far away or too busy with their own lives, and those close are either too new a friend or too concerned with other things that I'd rather not bug them with all of this. I know I need to be strong and work through things, but the few people I used to talk with regularly have all moved on with their lives and I thought I was as well, but now I seem to be back behind square one while they're all the way past square twenty five. And it's rather depressing to be honest. Oh well, I guess it's just a massive need to have someone new to talk to who's willing to talk and get to know the real me and not what they've heard about the past me. Yes, I have a bit of a temper, yes quite a few people have seen it, but you know what? It's been months since I've let it loose and it's rather awe shocking to admit that. There was a time when I couldn't go a week without losing my cool even once. I've grown and matured to a high degree, but I now feel some what left in the dust since so many of my friends have moved on. And with that, having no job to bury myself into has left me scrambling to find things to occupy my time, energy and mind and I've cut my reading list in half already. So yeah, I dunno. If anyone has some advice, I'd appreciate it massively at this point. Even if it's something stupid, and we all know it. Alright though, it may be time to read or even write some of that darkish stuff I mentioned earlier down for a change and see where it goes and if it helps. Anyway late Blogger people.
Josh
Okay so things have been rough lately for me, as some may already know or have guessed from my last post. However, it's starting to get to the point where I'm actually letting everything get me down as bad as that is to admit. The thing is though, after all of the things which have happened to me lately, I've stuck through it all, trying my damnedest to work through it all and be the best person I can be and be the big man, but times like this I realize just how hard that can be.
In the last two months, I've had more interviews than anyone person should ever have in their entire life. Seriously, in the last three weeks alone I'm over ten interviews and counting with at least another two or three coming next week. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, minus the fact I don't interview well at all and never have. I prefer to let my work speak for itself, along with my background. Sitting in a chair with somewhere between ten minutes to just over an hour to explain why someone should hire me is something I hate with a passion. How can I show or explain how I work or go about in a situation without actually doing it or being in that situation? Seriously though, I wish that was the only thing, but of course with me like usual there is more.
I went and talked with a Recruiter for the military again recently, this time the Marines and as some know I hate the water so it was a very interesting talk I can assure you. Problem is in my recent workouts I noticed that my knee was doing a weird 'clicking' again, long story short I now have to go see a specialist some time in the next few weeks to have my knee looked at again since the guy who's worked on it two out of the three times already is at a loss as to why things keep messing up. That's fine though, yet again I could live if this was just another one of the problems I've done it before.
I've also seemed to have hit a brick wall with anything I was writing before things went south with my ex and I. I sat for over an hour the other day and tried and tried to write some on one of the stories which I feel is almost done at least for the first part and everything I wrote immediately met the backspace key. So I'm not sure, maybe I need to write some of the other stuff that's been rumbling through my head lately down first, though it's much much darker than I normally would go.
Lastly though, and this is the part I'm most upset about, is the fact I feel like I have little to no support system around me anymore. What I do have are friends who are there if it's a true emergency with some limitations, but others call themselves my friend, but it's one of those things where I barely ever hear from them and if I do, I'm the one to reach out or make the connection. I've never been a very outgoing person, ever, it's why I try to cherish every friend I have and will throw down anything and everything I may be doing at the drop of a hat if anyone of them ever asks me to do something. The thing is, right now, I know I'm in a dark place personally and I'm in need of people to talk to, but I'm afraid to reach out to anyone to a degree. Those who would help are too far away or too busy with their own lives, and those close are either too new a friend or too concerned with other things that I'd rather not bug them with all of this. I know I need to be strong and work through things, but the few people I used to talk with regularly have all moved on with their lives and I thought I was as well, but now I seem to be back behind square one while they're all the way past square twenty five. And it's rather depressing to be honest. Oh well, I guess it's just a massive need to have someone new to talk to who's willing to talk and get to know the real me and not what they've heard about the past me. Yes, I have a bit of a temper, yes quite a few people have seen it, but you know what? It's been months since I've let it loose and it's rather awe shocking to admit that. There was a time when I couldn't go a week without losing my cool even once. I've grown and matured to a high degree, but I now feel some what left in the dust since so many of my friends have moved on. And with that, having no job to bury myself into has left me scrambling to find things to occupy my time, energy and mind and I've cut my reading list in half already. So yeah, I dunno. If anyone has some advice, I'd appreciate it massively at this point. Even if it's something stupid, and we all know it. Alright though, it may be time to read or even write some of that darkish stuff I mentioned earlier down for a change and see where it goes and if it helps. Anyway late Blogger people.
Josh
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Changes
Well,
Long time since my last post here and I've had a lot of changes happen in my life since the last post.
First, I'm now a single fur-parent to Eve. My ex-fiance and I have went our separate ways and while it still hurts, I know for a fact it's for the best.
Second, I'm back to the job hunt, though that's an interesting thing which I'll touch on last.
Third, I've been writing with random ideas like crazy lately and may finally have something to put out there at some point soon since I've been jobless and with loads of spare time.
Fourth, I'm finally back in school, working on a Master's Degree in GIS, google it and you'll see the name and just some of what you can do with it. However, if you've ever used Google Earth or Maps before you've used a type of GIS software and this program teaches me how to edit the information on within that software and other very interesting aspects of it.
Lastly, back to the job thing, well, that's looking up to a degree I've had a few promising interviews and found some really interesting jobs which I've applied for. And with that I leave you with nothing more than a picture from my e-mail for where a certain Comic Book company and it's affeliates have recieved my application and I know some of you may be as hopeful for this as I am, hopefully! :)
Josh
Long time since my last post here and I've had a lot of changes happen in my life since the last post.
First, I'm now a single fur-parent to Eve. My ex-fiance and I have went our separate ways and while it still hurts, I know for a fact it's for the best.
Second, I'm back to the job hunt, though that's an interesting thing which I'll touch on last.
Third, I've been writing with random ideas like crazy lately and may finally have something to put out there at some point soon since I've been jobless and with loads of spare time.
Fourth, I'm finally back in school, working on a Master's Degree in GIS, google it and you'll see the name and just some of what you can do with it. However, if you've ever used Google Earth or Maps before you've used a type of GIS software and this program teaches me how to edit the information on within that software and other very interesting aspects of it.
Lastly, back to the job thing, well, that's looking up to a degree I've had a few promising interviews and found some really interesting jobs which I've applied for. And with that I leave you with nothing more than a picture from my e-mail for where a certain Comic Book company and it's affeliates have recieved my application and I know some of you may be as hopeful for this as I am, hopefully! :)
Josh
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Man have things changed.
Well, greetings everyone!
It's been quite a last few months, that's for sure. I started selling cars down in Christiansburg, VA, made quite a few very good friends, while at the same time my dad started doing much better health wise as well.
Now, Courtney and I have moved up to Northern VA (for now) and are both working in Maryland. Courtney is doing some marketing work and I'm selling cars at a different dealership.
In otherwords, if you're a friend of mine living in the new area, call me and we can figure out something on hanging out on one of the few days I'll have off.
Anyway, back to work, I'll add more here later.
Joshua
It's been quite a last few months, that's for sure. I started selling cars down in Christiansburg, VA, made quite a few very good friends, while at the same time my dad started doing much better health wise as well.
Now, Courtney and I have moved up to Northern VA (for now) and are both working in Maryland. Courtney is doing some marketing work and I'm selling cars at a different dealership.
In otherwords, if you're a friend of mine living in the new area, call me and we can figure out something on hanging out on one of the few days I'll have off.
Anyway, back to work, I'll add more here later.
Joshua
Friday, November 2, 2012
Work, School, Life
Hi all,
Wow, how time flies huh? Well, first of all things have been crazy since my last update a little over a month ago. I now have an amazing job, which I enjoy more than I could have ever predicted. I've started my new Master's degree program, and life just seems to be going much better than before.
My new job as a car salesman has been going rather well, though, I have my gripes at times like everyone does at any job, but oh well, that's life. Weirdly enough, it's something which I could see myself doing for more than a few years at this point.
School wise, things have been going pretty well, just slowly due to the fact I'm working so much and what not. But it's doable at this rate.
Life has been interesting to say the least with a large amount of my time being spent at work, working on rather random ideas of mine, and school. Add in to all of this keeping my dad in my thoughts constantly with his health scare recently, but he's doing much better and might finally be able to come home next week, though that's an entirely different post on here for another time.
Anyway, I have to be at work later on today around noon, and I'm on my new laptop at the moment, so I should probably get some sleep. The only thing I'm debating at the moment is whether or not I like this laptop since it's so different from my old Acer, it's rather weird. It's a Samsung if anyone has experience with those please let me know.
Alright everyone, bed time for me,
Joshua
Wow, how time flies huh? Well, first of all things have been crazy since my last update a little over a month ago. I now have an amazing job, which I enjoy more than I could have ever predicted. I've started my new Master's degree program, and life just seems to be going much better than before.
My new job as a car salesman has been going rather well, though, I have my gripes at times like everyone does at any job, but oh well, that's life. Weirdly enough, it's something which I could see myself doing for more than a few years at this point.
School wise, things have been going pretty well, just slowly due to the fact I'm working so much and what not. But it's doable at this rate.
Life has been interesting to say the least with a large amount of my time being spent at work, working on rather random ideas of mine, and school. Add in to all of this keeping my dad in my thoughts constantly with his health scare recently, but he's doing much better and might finally be able to come home next week, though that's an entirely different post on here for another time.
Anyway, I have to be at work later on today around noon, and I'm on my new laptop at the moment, so I should probably get some sleep. The only thing I'm debating at the moment is whether or not I like this laptop since it's so different from my old Acer, it's rather weird. It's a Samsung if anyone has experience with those please let me know.
Alright everyone, bed time for me,
Joshua
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Fall leaves are blowing...
Well, I guess the title of this post makes things seem rather interesting for some. With Fall, the leaves on the trees here in Southwest, VA change like crazy. The colors are some of the best that can be seen anywhere. I've seen the colors on the trees changing in other states and countries, I'll stand by my statement that the ones here are the best I've ever seen.
Anyway, the reason for this blurb on the changing of leaves deals with the changing of plans and the way I've been going about things lately. First of all, I've gotten the good news of finding a new Grad. School (Liberty University) and great program which will give me the experience in a business setting which I was missing in trying to move up in different careers which I've considered, so hopefully when I start here in October things will work out correctly. The interesting news with this, deals with the fact that my better half, Courtney, will be joining me in the program at the same time.
Next deals with the whole job situation, where I've hopefully finally found something which could turn into a great career in a sense with being a Car Salesman. Yes, not the most reputable profession, but seems like something I'll try for at least the next few months at the very least in the hopes of at least giving it the try.
Lastly, the writing part of things I've taken a bit of a break on. Well, I had at least, due to a loss of my muse. I've had a few little short stories that I've written lately, but I can't seem to find any of them or an idea which has that 'it' factor which I believe could justify something longer than a few thousand words. I'm thinking of looking around for some writing prompts and seeing what happens, but the last time I found one that I ran with for any length of time, it turned into a Harry Potter fan fic. Any advice from the readers on this one?
Anyway, back to watching this Ravens vs. Browns game in which the Refs. are finally back for. Needless to say, it's for the best. Alright have a good one everyone!
Josh
Anyway, the reason for this blurb on the changing of leaves deals with the changing of plans and the way I've been going about things lately. First of all, I've gotten the good news of finding a new Grad. School (Liberty University) and great program which will give me the experience in a business setting which I was missing in trying to move up in different careers which I've considered, so hopefully when I start here in October things will work out correctly. The interesting news with this, deals with the fact that my better half, Courtney, will be joining me in the program at the same time.
Next deals with the whole job situation, where I've hopefully finally found something which could turn into a great career in a sense with being a Car Salesman. Yes, not the most reputable profession, but seems like something I'll try for at least the next few months at the very least in the hopes of at least giving it the try.
Lastly, the writing part of things I've taken a bit of a break on. Well, I had at least, due to a loss of my muse. I've had a few little short stories that I've written lately, but I can't seem to find any of them or an idea which has that 'it' factor which I believe could justify something longer than a few thousand words. I'm thinking of looking around for some writing prompts and seeing what happens, but the last time I found one that I ran with for any length of time, it turned into a Harry Potter fan fic. Any advice from the readers on this one?
Anyway, back to watching this Ravens vs. Browns game in which the Refs. are finally back for. Needless to say, it's for the best. Alright have a good one everyone!
Josh
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